So another quite night at work gives one a lot to ponder on. I have so much flying around my head about all sorts of activities and goals I want to achieve. It all becomes overwhelming at times and I wish I just turn my mind of overdrive and just chill. Although I’ve never been that type of person to be able to do that, I’d say I’m a forward planner and if I’m not doing something to achieve that end goal now I get very frustrated and despondent. Things like plans for next year, I already am organizing now for example holidays, my surgery, my finances and even some of the minutest detailed things. One could say I’m obsessed with being organized! I definitely never use to be like that, but these days I really hate feeling unorganized, being broke or not prepared.

On that note I’ve had a buyer put an offer in to buy my Nissan S15, which leaves me feeling somewhat torn. Logically it is responsible of me to sell the car and prepare for the future for the following ordered events of next year being surgery, UK holiday, and then buying a house. Then there is the other half of me that wants to hold onto my car and say hell no I’m not selling my pride and joy. Its amazing how I’ve become so attached to this car, it’s like my loyal soul mate who never fails on me. Unless you are a car fanatic I don’t think this would make any sense about how someone can be so passionate over a vehicle. Back to the key issue here, to sell or not to sell that is the question? Then the next ball of fun is finding a new car as I am extremely fussy. Nissan V35 Skyline is looking like a potential along with a BMW e30ci, or a Audi A4, Ralliart Magna (I know stop laughing), and last of all a Ford XR6t. Basically I need a 4 door vehicle under 20k, with under 100,000km!

What else is news these days; well I’m a bridesmaid in my cousins (Danielle’s) wedding which is next year. Also I am maid of honor for Melissa’s wedding (Phil’s sister), which is also next year and then I having an additional 4weddings to attend. Everyone is getting married and I’m still at home! Then I have friends with babies, and another two friends expecting next year aswell! To be honest I am glad I haven’t headed in that direction yet as I still have so many other things I want experience with my relationship and life the way it is currently. Not to say that I wouldn’t mind being engaged for awhile because I already know I love Phil more than life but experiencing some things in life as just being partners and experiencing things as being married with kids is different. In by no means am I insinuating worse, but focusing on different being the key word. Plus by the time I go to all these weddings, I’ll have all the insider information on how to plan my own wedding and be able to make well informed decisions.

Today I did some of my Christmas shopping, how well organized am I? It’s only the beginning of October but I don’t want to leave it to the last minute. I bought Phil’s sister a beautiful Pandora charm for her bracelet, and Andrew (her fiancé) a Billabong hat for summer. I also sorted out Phil’s birthday present which is on the 2nd of December, I got home two wireless Xbox controllers and I’m organizing a night at the Holiday Inn at the Burswood (all of which he wanted). All that is left to buy for now is my brother, mum, dad, jenny, and john and small gifts for relatives. Phil and I already discussed for our 2year anniversary present slash Xmas present (yes our anniversary is on Christmas day), that we are getting PS3 that we can both share and use which will stay at my place until we move out as he has a Xbox. I’m not too fused about who’s place it stays at as I’m not a huge video game player but it gives us something to do together which is the main thing.

This Sunday I’m doing a lunch in Freo which I’m really looking forward to catching up with friends whom I haven’t seen since March. All of us have been busy and it hasn’t been until now that we have managed to all see each other. I’m just glad my uni isn’t full on this semester otherwise I wouldn’t be able to. Next semester is going to be whole another kettle of fish as I’m studying contract law which I imagine is going to keep me very busy.

I can’t believe twin poles have been discontinued, this makes me sad.

Reading intentions

The next few books are on my agenda list to read as they have had brillant reviews. Although Jessica's Guit to Dating on the Dark Side I will have to order in from the US as it isn't available in AUS. I have stumbled apon a brillant book recommendation site called "http://thebooksmugglers.com" and if you are into reading this is definently the site for you. Let me know what you think? :)

Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side by Beth Fantaskey
















Perfume: The Story of a Murderer for me Patrick Suskind













The Queen’s Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner. Book 1 – The Thief, Book 2 – The queen of attolia, Book 3 – Book 4 (yet to be released in 2010)

My friend Tia got me onto a site called fanfiction.net after my disappointment of the abrupt ending of the twilight saga by Stephanie Meyer. I could not fathom why a author would introduce a new character into the story (Renesmee Cullen) and transform the main character Bella to experience a new lifestyle only to then bring the story to a screaming halt of a end. My thoughts are that the story had a lot more potential to continue with further storyline development with Bella and Renesmee. Further development should have been continued to show the interactions of their new lives with the other established characters. I personally don’t mind thinking “what if?” at the end of a story. What does leave a sour taste in my mouth is when I'm reading a entrancing series of books only to finish prompting me to think, "what about the rest of the story?"

I was very interested when I was recommended by a friend of my Tia to visit a fanfic author IsabellClaire. She has continued story after Breaking Dawn and named it “Forever Young”. The authored a prequel called “Restless Heart” which is still being written . The only critiquing to this would be the grammar and occasionally there maybe sentence structure issues. Overall the author’s storyline is somewhat similar to what Meyer would've written but never did.

I'm a strong believer that writting is like taking your brain to the gym for a work out. Improving one's literacy is by expanding your knowledge on your vocabulary and knowing how to use those words efficiently and effectively. There is no point using fancy words if you can not orgrastrate them in a sentence correctly to give the required effect to the reader. This being said I should really eat my own words and drag my brain the the keyboard gym for a cardio workout.

Infidelity is always a interesting subject whether its actually carried out or even just thought about. Yesterday a married man that I know announced that even married he considers himself single. I dont understand how you could make a life commitment yet still consider yourself as single. To add he checked out the ass of another girl as she left the room. He's old enough to be her father! Whats is it with men? Why cant they keep themselves from thinking or acting like that. Why is it so hard to be faithful to one person. I do believe that it is possible to have more than 1 love during your life time. But for the grace of what is right if your not happy with someone end it, dont go about oggling other women and publicly announcing your available even when everyone knows your married.

Every couple starts out with the best of intentions, and great expectations. We plan to love one another and meet one another's needs, anticipate them even. We will deliver the love they've never had, making up for past hurts, listening, being patient and kind, setting records in the bedroom, making our home a bower of bliss, and never, never, never hurting one another.

Every couple starts out with the plan of best intentions and great expectations that they will be together forever. We make all kinds of commitments about being patient, kind, and never hurting each other. We listen, make compromises and carry out all sorts of other relationship duties.

And yet so many people get to a certain point in their relationship then they fail. Sexual infidelity is only a small part of why relationships end or marriages end up in divorce. Yet we still take the risk of trusting our hearts not to be broken. Yet I see on a daily basis men who act or speak with intentions of infidelity, in which have to wonder about their women.

If your not happy end it, if a person has spent that many years with you the respect they deserve is at least the honest truth. Sometimes even admitting the truth can be what brings you together close, as you can either choose to work on sorting it out or leave knowing the truth.

Such a frustrating subject to write about when Im surrounded my jerks every day. Makes me so appreciative of Phil and our relationship, and makes me admire those men that I do know that arent like that, which there are plenty of them around and kudos to you men.

Well I sat my uni exam for Introduction to Management, and im pretty confident that I passed which for me is fantastic step forward. I've already looked at my next unit which is Introduction to Information Methods which it is pretty straight forward with the unit outline.

I've just come back from a 2week holiday from visiting Nan to spend some time with her since Tom passed. It felt like one big emotional rollercoaster, as I wasnt expecting to have to talk so much about death, euthenasia, funerals, family dynamics, in which with trying to study for uni on top of that it made me feel very overwhelmed. In all I'm glad that I was able to spend such quality time with my Nan as I do believe family is important no matter how frustrated I get with some of my family members or disagreements. I dont necassarily agree with everything that occurs or what they do but I live each day knowing that from my experiences I can make different decisions.

Tonight I've just relaxed at home, made myself dinner and now I'm watching foxtel.

I've spent some of tonight reading poetry. This is by far my favorite, :)

i carry your heart with me by E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Whats there to say I love shoes and clothes.. I really should've studdied fashion but im not keen on sewing machines.

Ebay has become more and more addictive lately with getting discounted designer clothing.

I went into wheels and dollbaby store in Perth a few weeks ago and the dress I want has already sold out. So disappointing, but I will just have to scan ebay to see if I can get it online.

So how was everyones long weekend? Do anything interesting?

Phil and I went to Margaret River in WA for a few weeks. Quiet nights in, with lots of cuddles and downtime. It was good to relax and just unwined.

We had dinner at Gnangabar in Privelley and lunch at the duckstien, and wine testing at Lawerences. We also went to a animal farm, saw lots of llama's, chickens, lambies.

Anyways its time for bed its getting very very late!

Nite

Things seem so uncertain at work at the moment. Its like walking on egg shells in regards to the economic safety of jobs, and everyone knows that someone is going to go.

Not enough money, trying to stay healthy, trying to get ahead, fucked up family life. Where does it end? When is there sight of a new start or opportunity to grab onto something and go with it.

Why is everything so bloody hard! WHY WHY WHY!

I'm studying, but its going to take 4years! Hopefully in the mean term I can get a job in what I'm studying. Im not going to hold my breath though!

Everything is just bulk stress!

Then lets just throw birthdays, engagement parties and people having babies into the mix and it just makes my life seem so inferior in comparisons to where everyone else my age is at. Its so god damn frustrating!

But at the end of the day i read fmylife.com and i realize that things arent as bad as what other people have it.

Shut my eyes and pray for another day!